Never Take a Holiday From Happiness

Even if happiness forgets you a little bit; Never completely forget about it. :)

How many of us have encountered feelings of the following in the past year?

1. Disappointment in ourselves or our choices
2. Lack of motivation at work, in school, sports, etc
3. Constant lethargy or tiredness
4. Deteriorating relationships/pushing others away
5. General sadness or malaise

Sounds like an Abilify commercial, right?  Let's be honest, we've all felt this way and it is perfectly natural.  It happens.   We get into a rut, or we feel we are up against something bigger than ourselves and we can't make it out of it.  Well, in this, the Holiday season I can honestly say we need to change a few things.  Let me take you on a journey to Africa, where I went about six years ago.  At the time, I was a kid going through a lot.  Parents were recently divorced, brother away at college, mom finding a way to make it happen for us.  I did not realize it at the time, but I should have been the happiest kid on earth.  Luckily, I met happier kids and happier people.  Come with me to Africa, let me show you what I found.

The people in this picture are Maasai, one of the oldest indigenous tribes in Africa (link is to my pictures from the trip).  They are dancing, excited to see new people, and also to engage in their customs for one another.  The Maasai, as a little bit of background, are cattle raising semi-nomadic people.  They do not believe in "modern comforts," such as electricity and indoor plumbing.  Rather, they make their homes from crude materials such as cow dung, mud, and sticks.  They travel 24km to buy water from a local market...and by travel I mean walk.  They are largely patriarchal, and do not believe in capital punishment.  Rather, their disciplinary system consists of cattle trading.  The elders in the families are the decision makers, and they believe firmly in understanding people and those that came before and those that will come after.  These people have "nothing," yet act as if they have everything.  They happily told us their stories, showing us their homes and their neighborhoods:

They told us their stories with smiles on their faces, as if they had no care in the world about trivial matters.  Their homes were made of cow dung, sticks, and mud.  One bedroom for families up to eight or nine deep.  A bed for the father, and rugs made of animal skins and hand-made cloth for the wife and children.  They had never heard of a cell phone or video games, and never once asked us for any of our possessions.  They found happiness in each other and in small things, such as their children learning to walk or falling down in their attempts to do so.  They took joy in expressing their gratitude for someone helping them patch a hole in their walls.  What I took for granted then and still do now to some extent is something from which they derived joy. 

Speaking of their children, the young members of the tribe were one of a kind.  Think of your grade school.  The place that you hated going because it smelled like pee or the other kids were mean to you on the playground.  Now look at the children's expressions in the picture below.  That is their school, a crudely made hut with porous walls and benches.  The tables were scratched, because without pens they had to use sticks and sharp utensils to write their names.  We gave them a bag of pens from various sources, most of them the free ones from hotels and trade shows.  These same children cried tears of joy to have something to write with so they would not "ruin" the school by scratching into the tables.  Happiness in a plastic bag of pens. 





While the Maasai culture is "primitive" by today's standards, what can we learn from their way of life?  Here is an example...have you ever seen a child tear open a present and be so excited to play with...the BOX?  We all joke about it, but we've all seen it.  Those kids are not crazy, nor are they thankless.  They really do not care about the toy that is inside the box, but rather the box itself because it gives them something to call their own.  When you're a kid, the box is YOURS and it is the coolest thing in the world; when you're an adult, the box is your LIFE, and its the coolest thing in the world unless you allow yourself to think otherwise.  That is exactly what unhappiness is, you allowing yourself to think that YOUR LIFE is not the COOLEST damn thing in the world, and finding a million and a half ways to have fun and be happy with it and bringing that joy to everyone around you.


Now, I'll be the first to admit that happiness has forgotten me in the past, and that I forgot it.  But as soon as I realized that I have control over my attitude and my effort towards this life, I immediately became a happier person.  I found my strength in people, people who helped me become who I am.  My family, my friends, my loved ones--all of those people who have made an impact for me are the same people that can make an impact for you in your own lives.  Your life is the true social network, isn't it?  You have all these people, and they overlap with one another, and create bonds and friendships and experiences that define who you are.  

Ask me what is the greatest thing in the world, I will reply: It is people, it is people, it is people!

Like the Maasai, the Maori in New Zealand (an even older tribe of indigenous people) have a saying, "Ui mai koe ki ahau he aha te mea nui o te ao, Māku e kī atu he tangata, he tangata, he tangata!"  It means "Ask me what is the greatest thing in the world, I will reply: It is people, it is people, it is people!"  Not possessions, not what silly rap songs are about, no--PEOPLE.  We look towards THINGS to make us happy, but really it is PEOPLE and the experiences we share with them.  Going home is not a THING, and home is not a PLACE.  Home is an experience to be shared with people you love, it is a personal/people experience, not something to be taken for granted.  Let's be honest: would mom's house be mom's house without mom AND the familiarity of the house?  Spending time doing anything with someone you really care about?  It is not a THING one does, or an ACTIVITY, it is a personal/people oriented EXPERIENCE, regardless of what it is, from which one derives happiness.  Valuing each and every minute you spend with that person and knowing (or hoping) they do the same: that's happiness.  Find those people, and hold on to them, for they are the ones that make life a lot easier!


The next time you wish someone "Happy Holidays," or "Merry Christmas," think about the words you are saying.  Does happiness forget the Maasai and the Maori?  Could be.  Would they tell you that? Probably not.  Believe in the goodness of yourself and bring value to others' lives.  I've inadvertently made it my life goal to do such a thing, and I'm not sure how successful I am at it but I can guarantee I'm happier now than I ever have been.  I make a little over $10,000 a year, drive a pretty nice car, and have my own place.  I'm fortunate to be where I am, even though sometimes its a struggle to make ends meet.  BUT, the happiest I am is when I am creating new memories and experiences with people I truly care about and that I know, for the most part, care about me.  This holiday season, understand why people say "Happy Holidays." Who are you with? What are you doing? 


Happy Holidays folks.  Now let's make it Happy Life. :)


P.S. Here's a glimpse at happiness at my mom's house:

The back yard.  Reminds you to take a break and appreciate it all.

How will you spend your dash?

A great friend sent me this poem today, and I found it too powerful not to share..

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth
And spoke of the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.

 

 

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own,
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

 

 

 

 

 So think about this long and hard;
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

 

And be less quick to anger
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
And more often wear a smile,

Remembering that this special dash

Might only last a little while.

 

So when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

I'm not sure who wrote this, but the author definitely understands what is important.  Do not lose sight of what matters in this life.

AR