Friday, December 23, 2011

Never Take a Holiday From Happiness


Even if happiness forgets you a little bit; Never completely forget about it. :)
How many of us have encountered feelings of the following in the past year?

  1. Disappointment in ourselves or our choices
  2. Lack of motivation at work, in school, sports, etc
  3. Constant lethargy or tiredness
  4. Deteriorating relationships/pushing others away
  5. General sadness or malaise
Sounds like an Abilify commercial, right?  Let's be honest, we've all felt this way and it is perfectly natural.  It happens.   We get into a rut, or we feel we are up against something bigger than ourselves and we can't make it out of it.  Well, in this, the Holiday season I can honestly say we need to change a few things.  Let me take you on a journey to Africa, where I went about six years ago.  At the time, I was a kid going through a lot.  Parents were recently divorced, brother away at college, mom finding a way to make it happen for us.  I did not realize it at the time, but I should have been the happiest kid on earth.  Luckily, I met happier kids and happier people.  Come with me to Africa, let me show you what I found.


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The people in this picture are Maasai, one of the oldest indigenous tribes in Africa (link is to my pictures from the trip).  They are dancing, excited to see new people, and also to engage in their customs for one another.  The Maasai, as a little bit of background, are cattle raising semi-nomadic people.  They do not believe in "modern comforts," such as electricity and indoor plumbing.  Rather, they make their homes from crude materials such as cow dung, mud, and sticks.  They travel 24km to buy water from a local market...and by travel I mean walk.  They are largely patriarchal, and do not believe in capital punishment.  Rather, their disciplinary system consists of cattle trading.  The elders in the families are the decision makers, and they believe firmly in understanding people and those that came before and those that will come after.  These people have "nothing," yet act as if they have everything.  They happily told us their stories, showing us their homes and their neighborhoods:


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They told us their stories with smiles on their faces, as if they had no care in the world about trivial matters.  Their homes were made of cow dung, sticks, and mud.  One bedroom for families up to eight or nine deep.  A bed for the father, and rugs made of animal skins and hand-made cloth for the wife and children.  They had never heard of a cell phone or video games, and never once asked us for any of our possessions.  They found happiness in each other and in small things, such as their children learning to walk or falling down in their attempts to do so.  They took joy in expressing their gratitude for someone helping them patch a hole in their walls.  What I took for granted then and still do now to some extent is something from which they derived joy. 


Speaking of their children, the young members of the tribe were one of a kind.  Think of your grade school.  The place that you hated going because it smelled like pee or the other kids were mean to you on the playground.  Now look at the children's expressions in the picture below.  That is their school, a crudely made hut with porous walls and benches.  The tables were scratched, because without pens they had to use sticks and sharp utensils to write their names.  We gave them a bag of pens from various sources, most of them the free ones from hotels and trade shows.  These same children cried tears of joy to have something to write with so they would not "ruin" the school by scratching into the tables.  Happiness in a plastic bag of pens. 


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While the Maasai culture is "primitive" by today's standards, what can we learn from their way of life?  Here is an example...have you ever seen a child tear open a present and be so excited to play with...the BOX?  We all joke about it, but we've all seen it.  Those kids are not crazy, nor are they thankless.  They really do not care about the toy that is inside the box, but rather the box itself because it gives them something to call their own.  When you're a kid, the box is YOURS and it is the coolest thing in the world; when you're an adult, the box is your LIFE, and its the coolest thing in the world unless you allow yourself to think otherwise.  That is exactly what unhappiness is, you allowing yourself to think that YOUR LIFE is not the COOLEST damn thing in the world, and finding a million and a half ways to have fun and be happy with it and bringing that joy to everyone around you.


Now, I'll be the first to admit that happiness has forgotten me in the past, and that I forgot it.  But as soon as I realized that I have control over my attitude and my effort towards this life, I immediately became a happier person.  I found my strength in people, people who helped me become who I am.  My family, my friends, my loved ones--all of those people who have made an impact for me are the same people that can make an impact for you in your own lives.  Your life is the true social network, isn't it?  You have all these people, and they overlap with one another, and create bonds and friendships and experiences that define who you are.  


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Ask me what is the greatest thing in the world, I will reply: It is people, it is people, it is people!

Like the Maasai, the Maori in New Zealand (an even older tribe of indigenous people) have a saying, "Ui mai koe ki ahau he aha te mea nui o te ao, Māku e kī atu he tangata, he tangata, he tangata!"  It means "Ask me what is the greatest thing in the world, I will reply: It is people, it is people, it is people!"  Not possessions, not what silly rap songs are about, no--PEOPLE.  We look towards THINGS to make us happy, but really it is PEOPLE and the experiences we share with them.  Going home is not a THING, and home is not a PLACE.  Home is an experience to be shared with people you love, it is a personal/people experience, not something to be taken for granted.  Let's be honest: would mom's house be mom's house without mom AND the familiarity of the house?  Spending time doing anything with someone you really care about?  It is not a THING one does, or an ACTIVITY, it is a personal/people oriented EXPERIENCE, regardless of what it is, from which one derives happiness.  Valuing each and every minute you spend with that person and knowing (or hoping) they do the same: that's happiness.  Find those people, and hold on to them, for they are the ones that make life a lot easier!


The next time you wish someone "Happy Holidays," or "Merry Christmas," think about the words you are saying.  Does happiness forget the Maasai and the Maori?  Could be.  Would they tell you that? Probably not.  Believe in the goodness of yourself and bring value to others' lives.  I've inadvertently made it my life goal to do such a thing, and I'm not sure how successful I am at it but I can guarantee I'm happier now than I ever have been.  I make a little over $10,000 a year, drive a pretty nice car, and have my own place.  I'm fortunate to be where I am, even though sometimes its a struggle to make ends meet.  BUT, the happiest I am is when I am creating new memories and experiences with people I truly care about and that I know, for the most part, care about me.  This holiday season, understand why people say "Happy Holidays." Who are you with? What are you doing? 


Happy Holidays folks.  Now let's make it Happy Life. :)


P.S. Here's a glimpse at happiness at my mom's house:


The back yard.  Reminds you to take a break and appreciate it all.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

How will you spend your dash?

A great friend sent me this poem today, and I found it too powerful not to share..

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end.


He noted that first came the date of her birth
And spoke of the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.


 

 
For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.


For it matters not, how much we own,
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

 
 
 
 So think about this long and hard;
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.


 
And be less quick to anger
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
And more often wear a smile,
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

 
So when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?


I'm not sure who wrote this, but the author definitely understands what is important.  Do not lose sight of what matters in this life.

AR

Monday, November 21, 2011

I.M. Pei or I.M. Me?

Build your foundation.
Every month, I choose a new quote or saying and put it on a whiteboard in plain view.  All who enter my place are greeted with words of wisdom from various sources.  This month (albeit a little late!) I decided to post this one, by Robin Sharma.  When I saw it in Sam Glenn's book, A Kick in the Rear to Get You in Gear, it sparked my interest and I knew it had to be my quote of the month.

Consider this: what in your past has happened that you feel still defines who you are?  Parents' or your own divorce, educational experiences or lack thereof, socio-economic status, being laid off, etc.  Who cares?  It happened and there is literally NO way to change the event (unless time-travel is real, in which case disregard this post!).  Instead of trying to change the event, focus on changing your mindset to achieve a better result for the future.  It is easy to crawl into bed and lay there bundled in your safety blankets in the fetal position after something bad happens.  Don't be ashamed, we've all done it, but the point is to ask ourselves why?  Does it really accomplish anything, or are we just wallowing in our own self pity? How many high-success-percentage decisions can you really make from your state of self-pity? Really, there's only one that works, and that's to get out from under the covers.  The world does not stop for you or anyone else, and if you're not moving with it, then it is passing you by every second.

If you're allowing yourself to look backwards at something you have no power over, are you exerting power over what you do have control over, or being consumed by something that doesn't matter?  You have control over two of the most powerful entities in this world, YOUR attitude, and YOUR effort.  Those are the building blocks that you use as an architect of your own future, they are all you have.  Everything else comes as a byproduct of those two things--they are the foundation to YOUR future and present. They must be reinforced every day with the steel of your will power.  Allowing your past (whether its 20 years or 20 seconds) to define those two things weakens the foundation of your present and future.  

Find your special reason, break free from the vices that bind you in your past, and create with your enthusiasm, effort, and attitude, a positive and worthwhile present and future.

AR

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Reflections on Booker T. Washington's Words

"Associate yourself with people of good quality, for it is better to be alone than to be in bad company."

Booker T. Washington's words echoed through my mind this morning as I pulled up to the high school for a team meeting with my boys.  Understandably so, especially in this day and age of social media, one can easily confuse "friends" for pictures and wall posts, and "friends" for people they associate with out of convenience, not out of choice.  Friendship, association, and relationships are choices.  

Why do we spend time with those that do nothing but bring us to the lowly depths of their despair? It has been said that winners bring reality up to their vision, while losers bring their vision down to reality.  If your vision exceeds the scope of your current reality, are your "friends" helping you achieve the aforementioned winning mentality, or are they bringing their reality to you and forcing it upon you?  Which one are you for others, a vision catalyst or a reality drone?

Associations create perceptions of one's reality...and whether or not one truly is a certain way is irrelevant: your choice to associate with certain people is a reflection squarely upon you.  Your choice to float through life associating with negative and toxic people is a reflection squarely upon you.  That's a heavy burden for most people to face, especially because it involves sacrifice.  You have to sacrifice what is comfortable and convenient to break the chains that hold you back from your inevitable success.  

Part of developing a winning mindset and attitude is surrounding oneself with people who are determined to develop their own winning mindset. Free yourself from the vice that is your current relationships with toxic people and realize, no--understand, that you have a choice to make.  You have a choice of whether to settle for a negative and dreary environment or to allow yourself to be an individual and develop those relationships in which you flourish.  

Reflect upon your "associations," and you'll find that bad company has a way of invading your every thought and decision making.  Finding the winning mentality within each of us begins and ends with the thoughts we control.  Eliminate the distraction of bad company and use the positive associations you have already made (they are there, I promise) to help lift you into a new realm of living.

AR